Adventure

Panic. It robs you of joy. Fear paralyzing the steps you need to take forward. True we aren't sure where exactly the steps are going to land you, but this path has been drawn for you. You are the traveler that needs to grace this journey.

Your eyes are getting ready to take in amazing sights. You have been blessed to meet some amazing people on the other side of the world. Fear, panic, worry....they cannot bind you down. Love is racing around you, pushing you forward giving you strength.

When you ache from separation, love will run to you. Love is here. Love is there.

You cannot go anywhere that love does not reside. Follow love.

Can't Reach the Summit with Tangled Rigging

This season of my life is so violently shifting that I am aching to find a sturdy landing. God you are my only source of comfort. I cannot continue seeking others to help the way only you can. To love me only the way you can. I have this mountain on the horizon. I cannot understand what it will look like nor, do I truly feel prepared for this climb to the summit. I am seeing though that you can't reach the summit with tangled rigging.

The only person who can grasp my feelings is in Ohio right now. She is facing the same doubt and anxious yet excited wonder about this adventure. Please be with her now as well! I pray she is at peace and is having a smooth time of transition after school. We are the two you have called to GO. The ones around me are supportive yet they can't help fully. Its frustrating to them I know. But God help me to be slow to speak. I want to continue building relationships not tearing them down like a wrecking ball. With one swift swoop it shatters, rubble left in heaps.

Help me restore ruins before I leave. You have given me such hope. Help me to be a good example of your joy this week. Let me more than ever let go of things. To release blame I've been clinching. To forgive. I am worn, help me to find rest. I pray for strength as I finish out work this next week and finish up the GROWING list of "to do's".

Thank you for being such a BIG God that you care about my measly problems.

I love you!!!

Wake up call from Elephant Bank

Rolling down the Aden Blacktop to pick up my elephant bank from the church.

And that's when it hit me. I'm leaving this country road, well this country altogether. It began to ache. Now I knew that this was inevitable, I would surely come to grips with the fact that I would be setting out and leaving things behind here. Little did I know this would come the evening before my Benefit Dinner.

I was riding with Ryne (my boyfriend) and I sat in silence; memories & things of the past continued to flow in my mind. I honestly couldn't wait to rush in our church doors. Upon finally fighting tears long enough to unlock the glass doors, I continued through the sanctuary where Ryne found me praying, sobbing.

I would like to say this is all because of you here that I will miss so deeply, that I cannot stand the thought of us being apart for several months. Indeed I will miss you, but I hurt for the people who have not heard. We are so caught up with "churchiness" and being "outwardly God fearing, God seeking" that too many Christians are losing the real sight of what we need to be doing. There are people who are going to Hell. The worship false gods or themselves. America has no more stars now we call them idols. I want to help rescue the world. I feel so humble to be allowed to have God grant me this gift of a lifetime.

There are SO many people over there, God has to help guide me and our team because I want him to be glorified through everything. I never want to be seen in all of this. Week, after week, after week...God is blowing my mind. Here is a tidbit of what he has provided in the last few weeks:


Prior to the benefit dinner I was shy nearly $800 for what I owed the mission organization. My church is full of amazing people, they truly are my church FAMILY. They hosted a pork chop dinner & we had a great evening of silent and live auction events throughout the night. After we cleaned up we were able to count the funds raised and I praise God and he took my breath away as he provided over $4000.00! I am crying again just thanking Him for his massive blessings on this trip! After the 5K he provided another $1000.00! I am now in a position to where I can help bless other people, there are a few in my life who are hurting and need Gods love handed out, I joyfully want to give and help others the way that God has spoken to the hearts of so many around here. The remainder of the funds I am accumulating are going to be able to get me through the next phase of this journey: preperation.

The fundraising events are over now, and here comes the fun part...the countdown to departure. Its coming quickly and I have to shift my mindset to immunizations, sandals, backpacks, and first aid items. I am so thankful for the generous support because now these items will be able to be purchased without any worry at all. God you are so mighty!

Thank you also for providing me the man that you have. I thank you so much for Ryne and for the anchor he is. This will be difficult being separated for such an amount as we will, but your plan is perfect. I was at the point to where I didn't need anyone right now. I was content and wanted to serve you alone, but you had another plan. I can't believe that someone is willing to serve you beside me from the other side of the globe. Strengthen our love for you as we seek your guidance in this uncharted water.

God strengthen our family, we are being tossed about right now. You are right here, help us to remember that through the heartache of the summer. This may not have been the way we pictured things to pan out. But you should be magnified in my life, help me to live that way continuously. Help the hearts of people in South Asia be broken for you.

Guide Suheily (my missions partner) and I in love and understanding. Strengthen us beyond what we think we can stand. Mold us now. Stretch us. Bind our hearts to the people we get to serve beside and too. I thank you so much for her Lord! We are trusting in you. And its the best place to be leaning!

You are worthy of ALL praise, thank you is too small a word, so let me thank you with my life, always!

Missions total: $8,116.33 ...............GOD IS AWESOME!

Candyland Souls

Awe.

Such a small word to capture the depiction of such an overwhelming emotion. How can that even encapsulate the gravity of my reality. For I am in a permanent state of awe. To be blessed daily, ever daily is something to make you return to your astonished disposition. To hear the beautiful words of someone speak, "I'm praying for you. We're praying for you." 

Why then do we wait until an event arises to lift others up? Do we not have daily issues? Maybe we have friends who are fighting such a personal battle around them that they are being consumed with anger and hopelessness; yet they remain a stoic pillar on the outside. You smile and wave, they return the gesture. I am sending this message perhaps out to three people that are reading this to take arms and PRAY. This is an emergency.

You think not? There are people our neighbors, friends, our families who are hurting. These aren't just Candyland figurines to move around a game board, these are souls. Souls seeking. Souls aching. Souls stabbed but the mistakes they have made. Regrets, longings, what-ifs and how comes? Perhaps if only, Why.........WHY? 

I am not a scholar or a doctor. Not royalty or a celeb. But I have the answer those souls are seeking. They need Christ. We must show love. Christ didn't come for us to live a life that reflects how empty and meaningless this world is. We have a HOPE! 

God love you and the rest of the world, He created you! He created you to spend life enticed in his goodness.  He wanted us to be with him. But we ALL have sinned against God, we have all screwed up. The only way that we could be forgiven is by having something atone or replace our sins. A sacrifice. Nothing we could offer could be enough. Jesus gave his life being your enough. He is more than enough. He died on two wooden beams that made a cross. They nailed him to that cross, in my place....in your place. 3 days later though He rose from the dead. Catch that. He is ALIVE! We are merely asked to believe in Him and give our lives to Him. He gave you his life......why are you clinching yours?

I am in awe. Jesus did that. HE is my purpose. Without Him I would be nothing. Without His life I would be dead. We have the privilege to speak to our creator in prayer...

If you want to play Candyland move over. Your turn is done. There are souls thirsty for life, a Heavenly Father. If you need anything taken to God in prayer, please ask me. I consider it an honor to speak with my Lord on your behalf. I can't judge you, trust me. This broken vessel pieced together to form Kathy is full of shame, regret and chips of falling. But Christ is always there to pick us up. He is forgiving. He wants to hear from you. 

Pray.

He & HIM

You see me and yet look straight through me.
Never knowing my thoughts, truly
I cannot grasp the plans for my life
But I am accepting that they may be without you.

In the end that would be okay
Not a meaningless existence
My purpose is not defined by us
My purpose is defined by HIM

Who is HIM you ask?
Exactly. You cannot have me and not know HIM
He died for me
Without friend requesting me or poking me
I may not have him on facebook
But you'll find my name in HIS book

I am a filthy brokenness that has been saved
by nothing short of amazing  grace
I am the wretch the song refers to.

So Mr. Perfect you aren't my purpose
and you can't steal my heart.
It isn't mine to give.
I cannot live for you and seek Christ.
I cannot seek you and live for Christ.

So goodbye Charming,
I will have blessings in my life
Even if they are without you.

My Monopoly Mind

Sitting on Go waiting for the dice to stop their toppling. Haven't collected any properties, money, or drawn my chance card. I know my turn is coming, soon. I mean we all grown up knowing you should not eat dirt, don't hit your brother and take turns right? Well my turn has to be coming!!

I've been oh so focused on where my roll will take me & how many spaces away I will have to jump, that I haven't truly thought about how amazing this state of waiting is. I will never again, NOT know where it is I will be headed. Never again will I have literally an entire world of possibilities to dream about. I have a pause while others are drawing and rolling, for when things get in motion, there is no stop. No pause. No ignorance.

So I am going to breathe, enjoy the gift of wonder. I think we take for granted how awesome wonder is. Think a second, when is the last time you anxiously awaited hearing something good? Looked forward to the possibility that "Today could be the day!" Well my weeks have been littered with wonder for the last month and a half. I take that back, honestly I've been awaiting this news since November, but knowing that "Today could be the day!..."since the start of last month.

So even though I haven't the slightest idea where I will end this year, I am thrilled that I started it with the people in my life that I have & that I know will always be there... (rawr ;) No, I can't make the promise that I will stop checking my email whenever the thought crosses my mind, but I will try to move my thimble when its my turn, and not eat dirt.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  -Jeremiah 29:11

Candy Hearts & Grass Stains

We chase it. We feel that our lives are incomplete without it. So they create a month to remind us of it, no, no, not Black History month or rodents checking out their shadows...To most February is filled with spending time with your sweetheart, and lets face it a time for girls to expect flowers and chocolate.

LOVE.

What makes us crave it so terribly? We watch all these movies and hear fairy tales from that moment we make it our quest to seek out our Prince Charming (well us girls look for him that is).  He will be brave, sensitive, understanding, love to listen to our problems, and cherish us every single day. False. This man is stuck in between pages 15 & 16 of Cinderella, and we need to just put him on the shelf.

I am looking forward to the day when I find my Prince, who leaves his dirty socks on the floor, who does those tiny things that irritate me, and someone who is real. I don't want a 2D picture of a hero riding a steed. A nice man in an old Buick would be fine (Buick can be replaced with any make haha)

So yeah another Valentine's alone, but this is the way I've been looking at it here lately. God's love for me is so far beyond anything that a regular guy can begin to show me. I was reading the opening of Hosea earlier this week for our upcoming sunday school lesson, and I was shown that God has this OUTRAGEOUS LOVE for us! C'mon!!! REALLY?! To him I am beautiful, to him I am loved.

I really had no idea where this was going when I began, but oh well, do I ever really know where I'm headed these days? Why should a blog differ.

I guess I will just spend the month of Feb praying for my husband, I'm not sure who you are, where you are at right now, or if you are even thinking about your amazing future wife (wink, wink haha) but I am thinking of you. For right now we are apart because its not our time. We aren't who each other needs yet. I'll keep trying to be a better person for you, I wish I could give you the world but I'm broke, I would like to always be who you deserve, but I am a sinner, imperfect with every letter of the word. God made you for me, whoever you are. I'm trying to save up some of my laughter for when I meet you...because I know that you will crack me up!

I hope that you're guarding your heart, and seeking God's plan (we will find each other quicker that way ha-ha) A very wise friend once told me that finding the love of your life should be like playing in the outfield. Both of you are so focused on what you are suppose to be doing, that when they hit the ball (the ball is God in this scenario) you are captivated by getting to the ball despite what ever holes in the grass, mud or fences barricading your path. Both of you have your complete attention towards Him that one day you just completely smack into each other. Unaware of the gift you just collided into!

I will smack into you someday, until then, I'm not sitting on the bench waiting!

P.S. When you do find me, I like tulips ;)